I know that this isn't a new phenomenon or subject to be talking about, but I've been noticing it so much lately, women constantly apologizing, for no reason at all! I'm guilty of this too, and I really do my best to flex the muscles to just keep my mouth shut.
I noticed it while dining out the other night. There was a couple next to me, and every time the woman wanted something from the wait staff she apologized first. Like "sorry for making you do your job," ...but every single time. For a napkin, for water, for dessert!
I've never taken the time to process where it may come from? I've definitely been cognizant to the fact it needs to stop but never addressing the root cause of it! Amy Poehler has said, "It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for."
This quote to me is so wild, and so necessary to read over and over again. It's most certainly conditioned and nothing that we are born with, but more so the environment we grow into. The environment society has molded, therefore it takes a long time to pause and realize it's so messed up!
Instead of going back to when this all started I've compiled a list of things that I have apologized for to date, well from what I can remember. If these concepts resonate with you, take some time to see if it's something you're truly sorry for, or if it's been unintentionally ingrained in you.
1) My body weight and shape.
2) Not making enough money.
3) Not cleaning my car.
4) Not being able to cook well.
5) Saying no, to ANYTHING.
6) Setting boundaries with friends, family and lovers.
7) For my success or accomplishments
8) For asking for help.
9) For speaking up for what I want.
10) Working hard for what I want.
11) Not wearing makeup.
12) When SOMEONE BUMPS INTO ME!!!
13) Not continuing to get my PhD.
14) Not getting married yet.
15) No where close to having kids.
16) Thinking I'm a bad friend.
17) For being tired.
18) For crying.
19) For not wanting to work out.
20) For not thinking of one more thing to make this list end on an even number.
Once we become aware of everything, we can pause, take some deep breaths, and truly process where it's coming from. I have a feeling that most of the time we're not really sorry, we just feel the need to say it. So let's collectively stop. We deserve to be here, just like anyone else, let's start living that way. Love you.
