"Adulting" is the new-ish verb that has been thrown around like confetti and MAN have I been doing my fair share lately. It's funny how we grow up, go through a shit ton of schooling and no one REALLY teaches us how to deal with our emotional well-being. While I'm not knocking my guidance counselors in High School because they were there for us through deaths, bad grades, break-up's, etc, there wasn't a class or a prevention blanket, if you will. We went to them when shit got hard, or when we felt uneasy or sad and they helped with post-vention. We talked, cried, and sometimes a referral to a psychologist was given to our parents as a suggestion.
Whether parents took counselors up on this or not was completely up to them, but this is something I wish was mandatory.
Now, as a 34 year old woman, and navigating the emotional health field on my own, I realize HOW HARD THIS PRACTICE IS. AND, if it's hard for me and I have my Master's in psychology, what are the person's coping skills sitting next to me in Bryant Park right now like?
Over the past 7 years, but more specifically the last 3 months my parents have finalized their divorce, and my mom's most recent mammogram came back with something sketchy. She has been 4 years cancer free, and THANKFULLY, the sketchy something found on her scan was NOT A MASS. So we good, fam. I have been doing my best to feel the feels as usual, but sometimes shit triggers me at the craziest times. Times that are not convenient for anyone.
SO what's a girl to do? How do you get through life's responsibilities and still take care of yourself? No, not by neglecting these hard life events, but literally scheduling time into your iCal to confront them. To honor them with the same love and time you have for you favorite yoga class. It is really easy to ignore the not so glamorous side of life. The shit that's not posted to instagram is the same shit that will legit haunt you down the road. Maybe not next week or next year, but it gets stored deep into the well of the body and over time it will rear it's ugly head when you least expect it.
The pillars of health are emotional wellness, sleep, exercise and nutrition and we are a society that loves the last 3 but the first, and personally i think most important pillar needs to be addressed constantly. Emotional wellness includes touching on every aspect of life whether perceived good or bad. Moves, breakups, switching careers, a fight with a friend, your moms cancer potentially coming back, realizing your parents are humans too when they are going through shit. The list goes on.
Obviously you know I'm a proponent for seeing a therapist, but let's say you're not ready for that or you don't have the means to access one. Here is a friendly list of how to confront your shit and sit with it. Mmmm :)
1) Take out your iCal or however you plan your day and carve out 15 minutes at first, you may want longer time as you go on, but for now start slow. Just like you carve out an hour for yoga, or a walk, same thing.
2) Write. Start writing. Anything that comes to your mind. (i.e. I feel fat. I hope they liked that flow. Even if my mom's cancer comes back we'll be ok, we did it before. My parents are human too. Why am I getting another pimple on my cheek.) Write anything!!!
3) After you get it all out, sit still for one minute. Set a timer if you have to. This helps to sit next to your "stuff," I won't call it shit or garbage, but just your stuff that makes you human. Rather then react or neglect it, just exist with it!
4) Now, MOVE YO BODY. Another minute, just shake, or wiggle or jumping jacks. Anything to get your blood flowing and stagnant energy moving through your body. If more stuff comes up, write it down!
5) After the 15 minutes has elapsed, go on with your day. This helps us to really learn that we can designate time to work with our stuff, and then still be focused and productive in other areas of our life as well. We tend to ruminate and sit in our stuff ALL day. Constantly thinking about everything which is NOT productive at all. So this is a practice, a training, to help you separate. It's possible.
6) Now we sprinkle in the compassion. This is the hard part because we have somehow become conditioned to think that being sad, angry or not feeling positive is wrong. BUT, when we think of it as making us more human, it can really reshape our thoughts around how we process everything. I love that everything relates to yoga, but it does! So think of this, a posture that doesn't feel good in your body, or that you hate, doesn't magically come to you or unlock overnight? No, you have to do it often. Same with adding compassion and also not reacting or ignoring your thoughts. It's a workout for the emotional body. You have to do this daily!!!
7) To be honest I had two more bullet points and the wifi in Bryant Park failed me, and now I have to go teach, talk about adulting. But I love you, and I'm right here beside you sitting with the stuff that makes me human and existing in real life at the same time. It's very easy to ignore what doesn't feel good, or is perceived as "negative," but when we confront it, just like we confront our physical health, we heal, get stronger and grow with grace and compassion.
<3
