** This blog post contains sensitive information. If you are struggling or if you are in need of someone to talk to, 1-800-273-8255, is a 24 hour hotline with CARING people on the other end. This information is just my opinion and not to be used in lieu of your regular therapist's advice.**
For those of you that may not know, before I was a yoga teacher full time, I was a practicing mental health counselor. I worked in the field for about 7 years after grad school. I assisted people with all kinds of disabilities, primarily mental health, become a bit more self sufficient and sustain work and education, because that shit's hard even if you don't have a documented disability. Once I started practicing yoga, I swiftly became the cliché woman who quits her career to pursue yoga full time and I am in no way looking back. I'm thankful to weave my former profession into my current, to preserve my passion for helping those in need.
ANYWAY, this all relates to the unfortunate, recent, passings of two, wildly talented, humans. Within weeks of each other, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain died by suicide (not commit suicide, you commit a crime, not a suicide) and regardless of my feelings about the media and press around these two deaths, I thought I would share my opinion from a mental health perspective. My hopes are to continue the dialogue, or lack there of, regarding emotional well-being and mental health. Even though the advocacy has steadily increased since I was in grad school there is always a need to reduce the stigma even more so. Here are some gentle reminders in the form of a list.
Things:
1) Everyone needs a therapist. Even therapists.
2) Having a therapist, or someone offering an objective, non-bias opinion, in order to assist your thoughts (that are most likely irrational even though they don't feel that way), is not negative, and should in no way be perceived poorly.
3) It's ok to not be ok.
4) It's in the 'not ok' moments of life where we really experience being human.
5) Being a human isn't always awesome.
6) Life's ups and down's are the norm, not just a baseline of "ups," or what we post on instagram.
7) Emotional imbalances don't just look like people in hospitals, or the way movies portray them. Emotional disabilities can look like me and you, walking down the sidewalk listening to our favorite podcast on our way to work.
8) It's time to drop the taboo conversations or the delicate way we approach subjects like depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. Because it's become my norm, I often start sentences with, "my therapist says," which gets the quick laugh, but then quickly turns to a safe space because of my vulnerability.
9) You are not alone.
10) Don't let anyone minimize your pain. Your break up is another person's loss of a pet, is another's death of their sibling, is another's spilling coffee on their favorite shirt. It's ALL relative.
11) Healing comes in waves, it is not linear and often time there is no finish line.
12) Knowing that there is no finish line, and that one day you won't magically be "better" can help our expectations regarding our struggles and certainly lessen the judgment we have on ourselves.
13) Friends and partners and family members like to solve, if you are just needing a set of ears to listen, be clear. "Hi, I called because I need to vent, I do not need advice, I just need someone to listen, do you have 5 minutes?" (notice how I asked the person on the other end if they are free, because we can't just expect to dump our stuff on someone else, they have stuff too.)
14) It is VERY easy to distract ourselves from sensation. Food, drink, sex, tv, music, work, etc. Take the day 30 minutes at a time. Be mindful if you have tendency to dilute the severity of how you're feeling by quickly suffocating a feeling with a substance or activity to avoid confronting it. It's ok if you do, but now that you have become aware of it, a change can take place. (not overnight)
15) I am shocked by how alone I can feel living in a very big city, surrounded by millions of people at once, so if you do feel alone, have a list of 1-3 people that you can text, email or call, at any given moment.
16) People do not enter into the mental health field to become millionaires. With that being said, can we also start talking about the priorities of our culture and how they need a lil readjustment? Even the tiniest shift in the economy can help a recent graduate in the helping field assist someone struggling, but also allow the mental health professional to eat, pay rent and care for themselves too. While I'm not against professional athletes and movie stars making billions of dollars, I just would like to see the individual with their masters or even doctorate, helping 200+ people, get paid for their services in a respectable way.
17) This past week in my classes, I've been talking about listening to our physical bodies more. The constant feedback our bodies provide us are messages worth paying attention to! Shoulder or hip pain, may be something more emotionally rooted rather then just your oversized bag or old sneakers, respectively. (Shameless plug for my therapy yoga sessions where we link the physical body and emotional body through movement and talk therapy)
18) We got into this mess of perception as a society, so as a society we have got to pull ourselves out. Let's make the norm look a little less polished and bit more human.
19) Make some eye contact today and connect, even if it's for a split second.
20) I have more to say, but I will end here because I can't end on an odd number. I love you. There is no such thing as perfect so forget about those cheesy quotes about how you're imperfections make you beautiful, nah, you are human, you are exactly where you need to be, you are ok if you are not ok, you are not alone. I love you.
1-800-273-8255
