As I continue to welcome/confront/observe all of the patterns/habits/people/places/thoughts in my life, without judgement, and try to, for lack of a better term, rewire or reshape what's not best for me, it's also happening in my body. On the mat I can feel my body aching, reaching, stretching and even rotating in ways that are SUPER new to me. Ya know that feeling of "wanting to die, but not actually dying." (insider) This is great. In all seriousness, and in all sarcasm.
It's great because I can literally feel things changing, even if short term I can't see things changing. I am fully aware that I've been evolving my entire life, but something shifted since the Hurricane. I've never been this conscious or aware. Also, for some reason this layer I'm shedding seems more deliberate, much more wanted and needed.
I say, "this is great," in sarcasm too, because it's not easy at all. Or at least that's what my mind is leading me to believe. What if I could just loosen up a little, not be so dramatic of this evolution, and allow it? That's the thing. I can! I just need to get out of my own way.
Here's why I think and now can see it a bit clearer.
Last Thursday I went to Dr. Darci Mull, my chiropractor. I filled her in how I'm adjusting to moving my body in different ways and creating new muscle patterns. She examined and adjusted. I left, went along with my day and rest of my week as usual. Working out, doing yoga, dog walking, working, etc. I went back to her yesterday, however this time after her adjustment she encouraged me to rest for 48 hours. As soon as I left I panicked a bit! But, in that panic, this particular panic, was how I knew. This time instead of reacting to the panic, (justifying why it'll be fine and working out anyway, tailoring my eating, or listening to the dialogue that not working out for two days is a major set back), I saw the panic, took a deep breath, texted Sydney my new observation and went home to catch up on Grey's Anatomy instead of going to Burn Bootcamp.
It's legit all in my head. Everything. All of our thoughts typically cause a reaction. So here I am, rewiring my typical reaction, and implementing a new pattern. A less destructive one, yes. Not falling victim to what researchers call our 'primitive brain.' (More to come on this idea.)
And yes, to a degree I always knew this, but like a big slap to the face, the request to rest for 48 hours opened my eyes.
Also, on days not instructed to rest, I workout, go to yoga and typically at some point in the day I say to myself or someone else, "ugh I'm so tired." But, yesterday when I was trying to listen to Dr. Darci's suggestion, all I wanted to do was MOVE my bod. So again, my limiting thoughts around the situation verse then the reality of the situation itself.
So with this idea churning all day yesterday, I had time to journal, and apply this notion to people/behaviors/career/places/yadda/yadda/yadda and it helped. Will it completely go away overnight? No way, but now it won't be AS uncomfortable and I won't be AS hard on myself. This is the work. This is the deliberate work I am welcoming with eyes and heart wide open. Love you, LP.
