Now living in Southwest Florida for almost two and a half years, I have learned to be on the look out for the switch in "seasons," down here. In the blink of an eye, temperatures drop below 80, but then blink again and summer is BACK. It seems this week the shift has taken place. Each morning I wake up fairly early either for Ashtanga or Burn Bootcamp, being out the door before 7 allows me to enjoy this humidity free air. It's felt glorious. Driving with the windows down and the wind hitting my skin is SO welcomed. Unfortunately, it does climb back up by noon, but then come sunset it's back to tolerable again. Last evening before I taught my last class, Sydney and I watched Sunset at Vandy and it really solidified why people live here.
I figured I'd start today's blog with something positive, and a catchy title to lure you in, because what I really wanted to share were my frustrations regarding unlearning habits, conditions, things that are not REALLY serving me. Personally, I don't think people want to read about that.
So, picture doing something or thinking something for, let's say, 20 years. Pretty much, day in and out, you thought about said "thing," was, more often than not, part of your day, however you didn't really talk about it, because you weren't sure how to describe it to anyone, especially when you're younger. So then, it morphed, into something stronger, consuming. Now instead of thinking about it often, it would be shocking if you DIDN"T think about it. Picture that. Maybe you've already associated with this feeling? Maybe not. Regardless, I'm going to use a Hurricane as an example, because honestly Irma stirred up this realization for me.
For a hurricane to build momentum and strength it takes time and other environmental factors, some are stronger than others, and the more strength and power it builds typically the more devastating it is. The same with a conditioned pattern or habit. The more you do something, and the more stressors that life brings, the stronger it becomes. The strength in regards to the more it becomes a norm, the harder it is to stop, because it's become ingrained, and typically with these patterns that aren't serving us, just like a hurricane the more devastating it can be on our life. Holding us back, keeping us stuck, etc.
Now, to relate to yoga, picture doing something so wrong (without awareness, engaging the wrong thing, focusing on the wrong thing) for 8 years, maybe at one point you hurt yourself, but you continue on after some rest and recovery. Then, you learn it a new way, but your body is so used to doing it the old way? What's a yogini to do?
Insert FRUSTRATION. Mother F. Insert exhaustion, because now doing things with a bit more awareness, breaking a habit not serving me, is TIRING. Insert discomfort. For yoga, my low back is legit sore. Not, 'in pain,' there is definitely a difference, but a dull reminder that, you are growing from this, things are changing. That this is gonna suck a little before it gets better. Better? I don't if that's the word, but definitely freeing.
Same can apply off the mat. Cutting ties with things, people, patterns, thoughts that are for the most part not serving us. And how do we know they aren't serving us? Great question. Sometimes, things can become so normal we are unconscious to the fact they are probably KILLING us, to be dramatic. BUT there comes a time where, even for a split second, we feel or think, "hmm i feel guilty/shameful/embarrassed," etc. We have a split second of judgment. WHICH IS GOOD. That's how you know. But now, rather then making it be a judgment make it be a marker, or a symbol of how you want something differently for yourself. You deserve something different.
So, here I am. 33 years old. Learning something new for myself by unlearning something old. Choosing everyday to make the decision, second by second, to have patience through the discomfort, fatigue, frustration, to see what comes up on the other side of it. Maybe, just maybe, Marichyasana D. HA HA jk. #kinda
Hopefully this can relate to you. Or someone you love, so that you can find a little more compassion and maybe distance from them, while they find their "a ha," moment, or wake up call. Irma fucked shit up, so let's not feed our "hurricanes," to the point of devastation. We're worth more than that.
Love you, LP.
