One would think we don't need a Category 3/4 Natural Disaster to teach us about how we react to fear, uncertainty, stress, all of the above, BUT apparently for me, it was super necessary to experience.
Just when I thought I had shit down in my little universe, BAM, time stands still as I was awaiting what would happen to my life because of Irma. Would I be without a job? Would I have a home? My car? What NOW? Then Irma came, everyone I know was safe, and you would THINK that would put me at ease. Unfortunately, not the case. Still away from my routine, sleeping on grandma's couch, not making my typical salary. CUE REACTIONS. In no particular order this went d-o-w-n...
1) Social Media. Text. Social Media. Text. Anyone. Text anyone that will answer. CLING to social media. What the actual fuck?
2) Can't control going back to work, whats happening in Naples, I know...I'll control my calories. Yes. Now's the time to lose some weight. This feels good. Controlling what goes in my body. Yep. Again, what the actual FUCK?
3) Scatter to call family friends to find a job while in NY. My bills aren't going to stop, must make money. I chose to leave my career where paid time off was a thing, my fault. I suck. Bash self. ( PS. Fema declared Naples a disaster area, bills can stop, if I just waited a minute rather than react to chaos, I wouldn't have had to stress myself out.)
4) Text all the boys I shouldn't text. Why is this a thing? Mmm. Comfort.
5) Background noise. TV, music, Audible, pod-casts. Anything but silence.
6) SNAP at my beautiful, caring and generous mother. All she wanted to do was help to ease my anxiety, but why did it feel so annoying? Shut her out. Yep. (Sorry Mama.)
7) Forget how to meditate. Literally, as if I don't even teach it every single day of my life. (eye roll myself to death)
...anyway...
Now, easing back into routine, I realized I didn't need Irma to help me see all this. I thought of this post while in between poses at Bikram on Sunday. Those 20 second Savasana's in between the Spine Series and especially after Camel...I couldn't lie still for SHIT. So naturally my mind wondered to all the ways I reacted in the wake of Irma.
So yea, sometimes we catch ourselves day in and day out, but sometimes we NEED something bigger to wake up us, to really shake us to our core to show us our patterns, habits and reactions.
Oh, Irma. Learning so much from you. Always learning, always.
