When I first started practicing yoga in 2008, there was very little discussion of the Bandhas, or the subtle engagements that are so important to encourage a safe and efficient practice. The teacher would cue words and students would do their best to recreate what we thought we heard. This is not a knock at my first few teachers, but as they matured and researched more, our community benefited as well. In hindsight, the nuances of the practice became eye opening so that practitionners built mindfulness and awareness of their bodies on the mat.
For some reason, with me, I continued to rely on my flexibility over the years. Maybe this relates back to my past need to nail a pose, or the Yang in me trying to force something to happen, or "we hear what we want to hear, when we want to hear it?" In turn I was injured, on the mat. AND...for some reason, with me, I continued to rely on my flexibility over the years and in turn was injured, off the mat too. Yes that was the same exact sentence for two very different scenarios. On the mat, I suffered and still sustain what's called Yoga Butt. The connective tissue that attaches my glute to my hamstring pulled and will unfortunately never go back to normal, so I use it as a reminder. Off the mat, pre move to Florida/break up, I continued to rely on my flexibility and was hurt as well, emotionally. Not having a backbone in some very important relationship milestones caused me lots of pain, too. However just like my "yoga butt," injury is always there to remind me to invite in structure to a pose, the pain my break up caused, almost 3 years ago, serves as a reminder to invite in structure with new partners, parents and friends now.
SO...this post is regarding the two ideas. Can structure and flexibility exist at the same time?
Hell fucking yes. On the mat and off.
I'm slowly learning to move from my center, it's a relearning of sorts. The past year and a half has felt like I've been practicing in a whole new body on my mat. When I invite in structure to a pose, a stability from within, I'm not nearly as flexible. Fast forward to today, my practice over the past year, I notice my flexibility is coming back with the structure still existing in my body. Patience, grasshopper.
SAME for off the mat. I recently had the opportunity to gracefully protect my energy with my new roommate and it was mind blowing. Typically I would sit there like a little beotch and let someone dump their emotional garbage on me and take it. I would always offer advice, and caring ear, and allow people to waste oodles of my time complaining about their lives, but not this time. I am not anyones therapist, unless they would like to pay, no objection there, so I politely stood up for myself. I shared, "I hope you are ok, this is non of my business nor do I want it to be, I say this with love, but I do not want to hear anymore, thank you." And just like that, structure and flexibility co-existing like Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake. My energy is better used serving my students and clients, playing soccer, reading, and cooking goddess like meals to nourish myself, you get the hint.
This is not to say I do this with people I care most for, no, not at all. I am always there for my best friends and family always, and if the timing is off I have learned to say, "hey I'm exhausted right now and would be a better listener in the morning. I want to hear everything can we chat tomorrow?" However, with strangers, or people not in my close circle, #sorrynotsorry.
There is a happy place on the spectrum of flexibility and structure and I'm slowly finding it. It may feel like I'm relearning yoga and how to be a human, but I'm welcoming it with open arms, and viewing the frustrations with compassion as best I can. Love you, LP.
P.S. What does this mean? Bend your freakin' knees in forward folds if your stomach isn't touching your thighs and breathe there. LOL. #rant.
