I used to want poses so bad, in hindsight I see forcing them made me miss the steps it took to get there. (*Ahem* this is very parallel to how I used to want marriage, kids, the house with the fence, I didn't care how I got it, so I settled for a relationship that was forced and less then what I deserved even though I had the house, the man, and well the (fur)kids.) Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to stop trying, but I've chilled the eff out when it comes to obsessing over poses and life. Maybe it's because over the course of my practice, I realized it's not about the outcome. Ever.
There truly isn't a final destination, but more so, what you learn about yourself and your body each pose and each practice. Practice makes progress. Practice (whether it's yoga, choir, CrossFit, math) helps us to progress in those areas, to experience it over and over again to continue to learn. Learning never ends! My first teacher, Justin Wolfer, said, "the second you forget you're a student FIRST, is the second your practice will stagnate." On the mat, we practice awareness, mindfulness, compassion and loving-kindness, to become more aware, more mindful, more compassionate, more loving and kind, but, that's a lot of pressure because life happens, and when life happens we experience it, and learn from it, so for me, it will always be, "practice makes progress." My therapist interjects when she hears me getting down on myself, that, "everything that happens, every decision I make, is a LEARNING EXPERIENCE," she yells, so that I can apply what I learned next time. So yea, that's my rant.
How does this relate to Mari D? For those who may not know, Marichyasana D is a seated yoga posture, where the one leg is bound in half lotus (right foot settles into left hip crease), the half lotus knee grounds to the floor, as does the opposite foot, and you twist away from your bound, lotus leg to try to reach for a bind with your hands around your back. (Pictured above) It's a beautiful expression. For some it comes with ease, for some it doesn't.
This morning at Ashtanga, while in the pose, I felt my knees and hips and it immediately clicked. THANK GOODNESS I can't get into this pose, THANK YOU. The recent feels in my knees and hips are from playing soccer again. With just two games under my belt, my body has changed already. Feeling my soccer body in my yoga poses reminds me of the LOYALTY and COMITTMENT I had to soccer for 16 years. Literally my longest relationship ever. Soccer brings me so much joy, even though it may prevent me from Marichyasana D until my body heals. Then I was even more aware how the lack of "getting" this pose is because I''m still learning, my body is still healing, and in the discomfort and effort it takes to get even slightly into it, I build resilience and compassion for myself to keep practicing and to keep coming back, rather then get down on myself and pack up my things.
Each breath, each pose, each twinge of discomfort holds something very meaningful on the mat and off. I vow to myself not to judge them or rush past them because it is my unique experience! Wishing you discomfort, today and always, because there's beauty there too! Love you, LP.
