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Stillness.


One of the many reasons why I love Ashtanga yoga, well any yoga for that matter, is the way it mirrors life off the mat. This week after a particularly embarrassing Mysore practice, I'l spare you the details, I was reminded of stillness within the postures.

In the Primary series we move in and out of poses but not until we hold them for 5 full breaths. Not rushed breath, but full, count of 4, inhales and exhales. This past week my teacher noticed my need to go deeper in each posture. Around the Prasarita B (Wide Legged Forward Fold B) she came and whispered, use the first breath to find your depth, then the last 4 to be still here.

Be still here. Cue tears.

BE STILL HERE.

Usually her cues include bending elbows to avoid locking out, twist vs. side bend, etc, but this week, this had nothing to do with the posture. My already flexible body doesn't need to push further, or to advance, that's rarely the goal. I know it had nothing to do with the physical asana, but everything to do with where I am in life.

Even now, a full 24 hours later, writing about her words I'm going to cry. Transitioning from a very fun and fulfilling summer, that taught me a lot, I am finding myself anxious and restless, not sure what's coming next, but also excited for what's around the corner...because...I'm not really OK with what's happening now. In the throes of moving away from a relationship that isn't what I want, and still trying to find my footing in NYC, in regards to yoga and my true desires, I'm just ready for something new. I'm SO ready. BUT, the practice doesn't want us to force, to push ahead, it wants and asks us to breath, and "be still here."

It's hard to stay still. To breathe in the moment, ESPECIALLY when the moment looks and feels like revolved extended side angle (Uttitha Parsvokanasana), but when we do we start to find comfort there. My teacher Amy Lucky once said that when we breathe in stillness it sends messages to the brain that it's safe to be here, it's OK. Then, before we know it, we'll be somewhere else. Remember day 1 of yoga compared to now? Remember college compared to now? It all passes. It all changes, sometimes too fast. There's no need to force or to push. Just breathe, and be still here.

I love you.


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